My Memories of Miriam

In my previous post I mentioned visiting my friend Miriam Heisey at Hospice on Saturday, knowing it would most likely be the last time I would see her here on earth.  She died Sunday evening, March 17.  And now I want to tell you about Miriam.

As a child, I knew Miriam as my dad's cousin - one of MANY cousins in a large Wenger family.  I also knew her as a bank teller and one who did not marry at the age of 20 like most Mennonite girls did in those days.  When she was in her late twenties, it became the talk of the "town" (or should I say our Mennonite world?) that Miriam was DATING!!  She was dating Ed Heisey.  He too was single at an older age than the typical Mennonite guy in those days. 

One day in school my friend Betty (I think we were fifth graders) told us that Ed and Miriam were engaged!!  She said that her dad was out in the field on his tractor the previous day, when he saw someone come running out across the field toward him.  It was Ed.  He jumped up on the tractor with Betty's dad and exclaimed, "She said YES! She said YES!"   Here they are on their wedding day, March 17, 1962. (Notice the date and compare it to the date of her death, which I mentioned at the top.)

I remember visiting Miriam when her first born was a baby.  (I think I was selling something for a school fundraiser.)  I thought Nevin was the most adorable baby boy I had ever seen.  Then I got busy with my own life and lost track of all that was going on in Miriam's.  Meanwhile she was having babies - two more boys, Vernon and Leon, and a girl, Elma.  

In 1978 Ed died in a tragic accident and Miriam became a single parent of four.  I remember her telling me one time that the song, Learning to Lean, meant so much to her when she heard it, because she could so relate to the line, "Finding more power than I'd ever dreamed, I'm learning to lean on Jesus."

In 1987 Dick and I were asked by our bishop to come to Gantz Mennonite Church (which was later renamed Grace Community Fellowship) to be praise and worship leaders.  That was the church that Miriam and her four children (by then, in their early twenties) attended.  I was immediately impressed with the job she had done raising her children alone. Over the years since then we've watched as each of them married and had their own children - ten of them altogether.  Here she is at her 80th birthday celebration last August with seven of them - Nevin's two, Vernon's three, and Elma's two.

The other three live in Mongolia with their missionary parents, Leon and Heather, and are pictured here with a Mongolian woman.  I had these three kids as students at MCDS before they moved to Mongolia several years ago.

And now, thanks to Elma's husband, I have a picture of all ten grandchildren together, taken in the summer of 2011 when Leon's family was home on furlough.  He said the kids were ready to head to the water slide at Woodcrest retreat when this picture was taken.

   
All the years we went to church together Miriam was the church treasurer.  And a good one.  We learned that handing in receipts was very important if we thought we were going to be reimbursed for something.  And she was "green" long before it was popular.  Why waste a new envelope just to hand someone their paycheck?  Most of my paychecks came in those extra envelopes that businesses and charities insert with their mailings!  I also remember when she, somewhat reluctantly, switched all the bookwork over to a computer.  That was a big learning curve for a woman in her seventies.

One of Miriam's favorite ministries was singing at a nursing home in Lancaster city.  I often felt too busy to go along, and sometimes wished she would stop "bugging" people about helping.  But in the last number of years that we were at Grace, I decided to make it a regular monthly activity.  And I really enjoyed it.  There were usually six to ten of us, and we'd use the little hymn books that Miriam brought along.  I always sang soprano and Miriam sang alto and the rest filled in.  We had lots of touching moments when residents of the nursing home would sing along.  

Miriam's "job" for many years was at the Mount Joy Gift and Thrift Shop.  She was the volunteer coordinator, making sure the store was staffed with enough volunteers every day.  It seemed like she was always there, so I have a feeling she filled in a lot when there weren't enough others.  During those years she also had  heart issues as well as breast cancer.  It always seemed to me that she hardly skipped a beat.  Nothing kept her down for long.       

In January of 2012 Miriam found out that the breast cancer had spread to the abdominal area.  After a surgery that had gone somewhat awry, she was placed in the nursing unit of the retirement home where she had a cottage.  I was going to be in Lancaster County one day a few weeks later, and her daughter Elma told me that Miriam would like me to visit her.  She was her cheerful, chipper self that morning, and in the course of our visit she told me that there was a song she had heard one time called "At the Crossing", and when she heard it she thought, "THAT is my testimony!"  Then she told me that her desire was to be able to sing that song at her own funeral via recording.  She wondered what I thought of that idea and was there anything I could do to help her with it.  I LOVED the idea!  It was so Miriam.  She might have looked like a meek, mild Mennonite woman, but she was full of spunk and courage.

A few weeks later, with Anthony's little digital recorder in hand, Miriam, Elma, and I went to her cottage (she had gotten special permission from the nurses).  She owned a keyboard, which I played.  As we practiced, I asked her if she minded if I would harmonize with her, and she was happy to have me do that.  Miriam had never seen the written music for the song.  All we had were the lyrics with some chords I had written in.  But as we practiced, the impact of the words was very real.  They were all about what it would be like "at the crossing", a symbolism for death.  They were a testimony of not having anything to fear because there would be someone there who loved her and helped her and welcomed her, of course referring to Jesus.  At one point she looked deep into my eyes and said she wasn't sure she could do it and wondered how I keep from crying when I sing.  I told her that sometimes I cry a lot when I practice something, but then when I perform it, it doesn't impact me as much because I've already cried it out.  Finally we were ready to record.  I think we recorded two or three times before we were satisfied with it, including the special ending she wanted.  It was one of the most precious experiences of my life and still brings tears to my eyes as I remember it.  It felt like we touched Heaven in that little cottage that day.  

Miriam bounced back amazingly well after that and moved back to her cottage.  I was sad to hear a month or two ago that she again had to be hospitalized because the cancer was once again rearing its ugly head.  Then last week Elma emailed me to ask information about the in-home agency we had hired for my dad.  I knew I was going to be in Lancaster County Saturday morning and asked if I could visit her.  Friday evening Elma emailed to say that Miriam did not want any visitors.  I was disappointed, but totally understood.  I remembered when we had to tell people they could no longer stop in to visit my dad.  Then Saturday morning Elma called me and said that Miriam had woken up that morning in better spirits, and when they asked her about the possibility of my stopping in for a visit, she said she wanted me to.    

And I told that story in my previous post.  I went to the Hospice facility, had a very brief chat with her and sang the song she requested, "I Stand Amazed in the Presence of Jesus the Nazarene."  The pain meds made it very difficult for her to stay awake.  When I said I would be leaving she said,  "You're leaving already??  Why, I'm just getting awake!"  But she soon dozed off again.  I knew when I left that she would soon be "at the crossing" and then "standing amazed in the presence of Jesus."  

And I knew too that my trip to Florida for Sophie's Grandparents Day at school (which I have been so looking forward to for several months and wouldn't dream of missing) was coming right up and that I would probably have to miss Miriam's funeral.  When I found out that Miriam died Sunday evening and that her funeral would be on Friday and that they had wanted me to sing "I Stand Amazed" at the funeral, I really cried.   How could it be that these two very important events were simultaneous???  My friend and mentor, Sherilyn Jameson, was extremely helpful in putting it all into perspective.  She wrote, "These things are indeed so very difficult to understand, accept and live out. The funeral is for others, you had your moments with Miriam and she's in heaven and not losing a wink of sleep over the details of her service. And sweet Sophie is counting down the days to Grandparents Day - it's all good. It's hard on YOUR heart, I know, but in the big picture, it's ok."  

And that was just what I needed to hear.

By the way, isn't it cool that Miriam was reunited with Ed on their wedding anniversary?