Yet Will I Praise Thee

For several months we have been cautiously watching a lump on Dick's scalp.  In 2003 and again in 2006, when lumps appeared on his scalp they turned out to be a recurrence of B-cell Lymphoma, which he's been fighting since 1996.   Finally in August Dick visited his oncologist, who scheduled a surgery to have it removed.  He was quite sure it was merely a cyst.  The surgeon agreed, even on the day of the surgery.  Of course it was sent for a pathology test.  We did not hear a thing about that test and were feeling completely unconcerned about it.  What a surprise two weeks later, when Dick returned to the surgeon to have his stitches removed, to find out that it was not a cyst, but indeed B-cell Lymphoma.  

I was here at home that Friday morning when Dick called with the news.  I was completely unprepared for it.  An unpleasant array of thoughts and emotions bombarded me.  "We can't get a break!!  I'm SICK of having bad news to tell our children!!  I'm so tired of trying to figure out a budget on our low incomes - how can we do it with days off for chemo and stupid chemo co-pays????  Is this the time they're going to find Lymphoma all through his body because we waited too long?  Will I have to watch him get sick and die?  GOD!!!!!!"  I cried, I screamed.  At some point I thought of a song we used to sing at Grace back in the late 80's - Yet Will I Praise Thee.  I found it in an old notebook, pulled it out, and did the only thing I know to do at times like this.  I DECIDED to praise Him even though everything in me was mad at Him.  (Psalm 50:23 says that when we offer a SACRIFICE of thanksgiving we honor Him and open the way for Him to show His salvation.) 

I have kept that sad-looking copy of the song on my piano since that day.  Many times I have sat down just to sing it once again.  We told our children our bad news AGAIN.  We asked for prayer at our churches up here as well as down home.  Dick's oncologist scheduled a PET scan to see if there was evidence of active Lymphoma elsewhere in his body.  

Wednesday morning was the PET scan.  He was told that they'd have the results in a day or two.  

Yesterday morning as I sat at the church office assembling bulletins, I once again pondered the impending news.  How would I react, I wondered?  

I remembered times past.  In 1996, when a surgeon came out to the waiting room to tell me that the growth they had removed from his hip was definitely cancer, I completely fell apart.  I felt that surely I would never stop crying.  I was entering a tunnel that I could not back out of.  After a few phone calls to our parents, our pastor, and my school, I experienced for the first time the AMAZING way that the prayers of others can truly carry us.  I will never forget it.  

In 2003, when we received the very disappointing news that the lumps on Dick's scalp were a recurrence of Lymphoma, I was ready for it.  A few months prior I had watched God work out a truly messy situation that had almost undone me.  At that time I had promised the Lord that the next time I was faced with something difficult I would trust and praise Him IN the situation, not just after He worked it out.  So I was ready for the bad news that time.  Here was my chance to do what I had promised the Lord I would do.  

There have been more cancer diagnoses and treatments, a shocking job loss for Dick, a huge move, and SO MANY opportunities to put this into practice since then.  You would think I would have it down pat by now, right??  Wrong!  I still battle with a heart of stone, a feeling of  "poor us", a need to scream.  So yesterday I sat and pondered how I would react this time.  I really wanted to be able to trust that we would get through yet another interruption in our lives.  But I was feeling very, very tired of always having bad news, always needing prayer for one thing after the next. 

And right then came a text message from Dick.  "No chemo needed.  Details later."  I immediately texted back, "CALL ME!"  He did.  Wow, wow, wow!!!  They told him that, in fact, the enlarged lymph nodes near his heart that they have been watching the past few years have DECREASED in size!!  There was no evidence of active Lymphoma anywhere else in his body.  No treatments needed.  They would see him in six months!  

I seriously didn't know what to do with myself!  I wanted to dance, to scream and cry for joy, to fall down before the Lord in Thanksgiving!  I had my Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir channel playing on Pandora.  How appropriate!!  One powerful praise song after the next!  I sat there assembling bulletins as I cried and cried from relief and thankfulness.  Like Lisa said, after getting bad news so many times before, you just kind of assume the worst.  So it was especially sweet to hear GOOD NEWS!  

This morning I looked on YouTube, and sure enough the song that blessed me so much on an early tape from Integrity, led by Kent Henry, was there!  I hope you have time to let it bless you.  This is the song I've been choosing to sing these past few weeks.  I'm so glad I did.  YET Will I Praise Thee!