Of Airplanes, Airports, and Restrooms
Traveling by any means requires the use of restrooms. In the past five years I have done most of my traveling by air, and using the bathrooms has at times been a challenge and at other times an embarrassment.
In June 2002 I took 20-month-old Destiny with me to visit our daughter Miki and family in Sweden. It was a huge undertaking, no doubt, but I was desperate to visit them, we could not afford tickets for both Dick and me, and at that time there would not have been adequate child care for Destiny if I had gone without her.
We left the Newark, NJ airport at 7 PM on an 8-hour flight to Stockholm. By 11:00 she was sound asleep on my lap. I had probably gotten two hours of sleep when they started waking us up with hot, lemon-scented wash cloths for our faces, readying us for our soon-to-be-served breakfast. Hmm, I really had to pee. What to do? I couldn't leave her in my seat. So, believe it or not, I took her along to the restroom, her head on my shoulder, and in that teeny, tiny airplane restroom I somehow managed to take care of business. She slept right through the whole thing!
Two weeks later we said our goodbyes to Miki and family and took the one-hour, early morning flight from Umea to Stockholm. And Destiny fell asleep again just before we landed. I had hoped that our luggage would go straight through to Newark, but no such luck. This was post 9/11, and security was tight. I had to claim our luggage and recheck it for the next flight. Getting a luggage cart, I laid Destiny in the basket part of the cart with her head propped on my backpack for a pillow, and loaded our luggage. And again I had to pee. But alas, what would I do with this huge cart? I couldn't let it sit unattended, and the restroom door near baggage pick-up didn't even look wide enough for the cart to go through. Oh well, I would just wait until I had checked in our luggage. I traipsed through the humongous, very-under-construction Stockholm airport, pushing my cart and sleeping child, and "holding it". As I neared the international flight area I could NOT believe my eyes. The lines for checking luggage were LOOOOONG!! It's a good thing I didn't realize how long at that point. TWO HOURS later it was finally my turn! At that point Destiny stirred for the first time! (God is good!) I asked the lady that checked my luggage where the nearest restroom was and she told me in no uncertain terms that I had no time to stop at a restroom. I was just to wait until I was on board. The way to my gate was long. At one point I had to use an elevator and when I got off I noticed a restroom sign. I decided I didn't care if I missed my flight and I ran, pushing Destiny in her little umbrella stroller to that blessed relief station. Ahhhh!! And I didn't miss my flight either, lady!
Last fall I flew down to Tampa for a few days by myself when we had a day off school. It was the first time I had ever driven myself to the Baltimore airport and navigated the long term parking/shuttle thing without Dick. It was still early in the morning when I finally got there and had my bag checked in. With a couple of cups of coffee in my system, you guessed it - I had to pee. My cell phone rang as I walked toward the rest rooms. It was Lisa checking in on me. As I walked in to the rest room I remembered an article I had just read in the paper about how annoying it is to listen to someone talking on their cell phone in the next toilet stall, so I decided to stand at the sinks until we were finished talking. I was facing the mirrors as we talked when I noticed a MAN coming out of a stall behind me. I had mindlessly walked into the men's room!! Thank GOD I had read that newspaper article and only went as far as the sinks! Imagine that poor guy listening to me talk on my cellphone in the next stall!
And as you know, I just flew to Tampa last week, and I have one more restroom story. On the flight down I had to go. As I waited for someone else to exit the restroom, an attendant was coming back through the cabin, cleaning up. She found a magazine on an empty seat and asked me if I'd like to have it. It looked like a good one, so I said I'd take it. Then it was my turn to go in. Okay, what to do with the magazine in that teeny, tiny little cubicle? I put it up under my arm, lowered my capris, etc, was about to sit down, when to my astonishment I noticed that the door had swung open!! Apparently in trying to figure out where to put the magazine I had not closed the door properly, or even locked it!!! I considered flushing myself down, but that little hole didn't look big enough for me! (Just kidding!) There was no one waiting when I came out, so hopefully everyone in the airplane had their heads turned forward at that particular moment!!
And that, folks, is the end of my bathroom humor for today.
In June 2002 I took 20-month-old Destiny with me to visit our daughter Miki and family in Sweden. It was a huge undertaking, no doubt, but I was desperate to visit them, we could not afford tickets for both Dick and me, and at that time there would not have been adequate child care for Destiny if I had gone without her.
We left the Newark, NJ airport at 7 PM on an 8-hour flight to Stockholm. By 11:00 she was sound asleep on my lap. I had probably gotten two hours of sleep when they started waking us up with hot, lemon-scented wash cloths for our faces, readying us for our soon-to-be-served breakfast. Hmm, I really had to pee. What to do? I couldn't leave her in my seat. So, believe it or not, I took her along to the restroom, her head on my shoulder, and in that teeny, tiny airplane restroom I somehow managed to take care of business. She slept right through the whole thing!
Two weeks later we said our goodbyes to Miki and family and took the one-hour, early morning flight from Umea to Stockholm. And Destiny fell asleep again just before we landed. I had hoped that our luggage would go straight through to Newark, but no such luck. This was post 9/11, and security was tight. I had to claim our luggage and recheck it for the next flight. Getting a luggage cart, I laid Destiny in the basket part of the cart with her head propped on my backpack for a pillow, and loaded our luggage. And again I had to pee. But alas, what would I do with this huge cart? I couldn't let it sit unattended, and the restroom door near baggage pick-up didn't even look wide enough for the cart to go through. Oh well, I would just wait until I had checked in our luggage. I traipsed through the humongous, very-under-construction Stockholm airport, pushing my cart and sleeping child, and "holding it". As I neared the international flight area I could NOT believe my eyes. The lines for checking luggage were LOOOOONG!! It's a good thing I didn't realize how long at that point. TWO HOURS later it was finally my turn! At that point Destiny stirred for the first time! (God is good!) I asked the lady that checked my luggage where the nearest restroom was and she told me in no uncertain terms that I had no time to stop at a restroom. I was just to wait until I was on board. The way to my gate was long. At one point I had to use an elevator and when I got off I noticed a restroom sign. I decided I didn't care if I missed my flight and I ran, pushing Destiny in her little umbrella stroller to that blessed relief station. Ahhhh!! And I didn't miss my flight either, lady!
Last fall I flew down to Tampa for a few days by myself when we had a day off school. It was the first time I had ever driven myself to the Baltimore airport and navigated the long term parking/shuttle thing without Dick. It was still early in the morning when I finally got there and had my bag checked in. With a couple of cups of coffee in my system, you guessed it - I had to pee. My cell phone rang as I walked toward the rest rooms. It was Lisa checking in on me. As I walked in to the rest room I remembered an article I had just read in the paper about how annoying it is to listen to someone talking on their cell phone in the next toilet stall, so I decided to stand at the sinks until we were finished talking. I was facing the mirrors as we talked when I noticed a MAN coming out of a stall behind me. I had mindlessly walked into the men's room!! Thank GOD I had read that newspaper article and only went as far as the sinks! Imagine that poor guy listening to me talk on my cellphone in the next stall!
And as you know, I just flew to Tampa last week, and I have one more restroom story. On the flight down I had to go. As I waited for someone else to exit the restroom, an attendant was coming back through the cabin, cleaning up. She found a magazine on an empty seat and asked me if I'd like to have it. It looked like a good one, so I said I'd take it. Then it was my turn to go in. Okay, what to do with the magazine in that teeny, tiny little cubicle? I put it up under my arm, lowered my capris, etc, was about to sit down, when to my astonishment I noticed that the door had swung open!! Apparently in trying to figure out where to put the magazine I had not closed the door properly, or even locked it!!! I considered flushing myself down, but that little hole didn't look big enough for me! (Just kidding!) There was no one waiting when I came out, so hopefully everyone in the airplane had their heads turned forward at that particular moment!!
And that, folks, is the end of my bathroom humor for today.
7 comments:
I LOVED all your bathroom stories! I did the same thing one time in Walmart. The Ladies' restroom in the Walmart on Rt. 30 is on the right. When I went to the Ephrata Walmart, I assumed that the Ladies' restroom would be in the same place. It wasn't. I walked to the back of the room thinking to myself that this room seems so sterile and not at all like a women's restroom. I walked by a stall that had huge cowboy boots but I assumed that it was a lady because in Lancaster County sometimes these women wear the craziest shoes like gym shoes with a suit etc.
Then the door opened and in walked a man! I said, "Oh, I think I am in the wrong room!"
He said, "Well, I saw you come in here so I came in to see what you were doing!"
I was HUMILIATED BIG TIME!
Funny stories, Jean. I've never used the facilities on an airplane. But I always make sure I know just where a restroom is before and after I land.
I read all these stories and was very amused, but as I got to the last one, I'm sitting here reading, all relaxed back in my chair and got to the part where the door didn't close good and just LOUDLY gasped! Oh my word! Of course, then I had to giggle. That's just TOOOOOOO funny! :-)
It's a good thing you didn't have any sisters with you on that plane, we would have erupted with laughter!!! Or maybe had we been there, we would have gone to the restroom with you and would have been there in line to close THAT DOOR!! MEW
So funny Jean! It's a good thing I didn't have to go to the bathroom before I read this post. Otherwise, I might have had an accident while I giggled away.
Hugs!
Kat
There is no better laughter than when you can laugh at yourself! Oh how funny. You and restrooms...who would have thought you would have had such a relationship? I enjoyed your stories...and in the end..."I'M GLAD EVERYTHING CAME OUT ALL RIGHT!" *:*
U
Your bathroom stories made me smile. You and buckeyegirlie have the most unusual stories!
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